The Four Great Surprises of Severus Snape
by XinconceivableX
Summary: It all started when the staunch, strait-laced Professor, Severus Snape went to breakfast with a hickey on his neck… -This is just a short 4 part story with a SS/HG pairing. Rated T for language and suggestive situations.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is just a short little SS/HG (don't like, don't read) fic I had swimming in my mind. Its my first ever fic-so yay! **

**The characters are a little Ooc but then again it's a fanfic so that was bound to happen.**

**Hope you enjoy and tell me what you think! (though please no flames)**

The First Surprise

Severus Snape was a very constant man, rude and cranky at times-yes, but he was still fairly reliable. In fact, Minerva found that she could even mark his morning routine down to the second. He was always the first professor to arrive for breakfast at the Great Hall, where he would take his seat beside hers, take a deep breath and then pour himself a cup of coffee-one sugar, no milk. After that first crucial sip he would then muster the energy to acknowledge the other professors sitting around him. He would order two slices of dry toast and a small potato hash. Sometimes on his more daring days he would add bacon. After he finished his meal, traded a few sarcastic remarks with Minerva, and glared at the eating students, he would billow away to his dungeons where he would take points from Gryffindor and then favor his Slytherins.

Yes, for all his "mysterious airs", Severus was indeed a predictable man, which unbeknownst to him offered a level of comfort to the staff and several students. In the aftermath of Voldemort's terror their world was severely shaken and to many it seemed like nothing would ever be normal again. Then Severus would walk by just as acerbic and sarcastic as always and they would release a sigh of relief, as they realized some things would always be the same and the rest of the "normalcies" would eventually come with time. It was a peculiar bit of therapy, no doubt, but it worked. In truth, they had come to depend on his consistency.

That's why most of the staff were ill prepared to deal with the first surprise Severus brought with him one morning in May. Even Minerva, who prided herself on her composure, was a little flustered at what to do. At first she had assumed it was merely a trick of the light, a result of the stain glass windows in the Great Hall. Then she considered her dirty spectacles as the likely culprit, or perhaps it was her aging eyes that were beginning to fail her. She thought of several other possibilities that could explain away what she was seeing, but none of them quite fit. And she knew she was not the only one dumbfounded by the sight, because many of the other professors had stopped what they were doing. Their expressions ranging from confusion, concentration, mirth, and outright, open-mouthed shock as they stared at Severus, who sitting in his usual seat had the collar of his frock coat undone, allowing the base of his throat to be seen.

This in and of its self was not too unnerving-shocking to be certain, considering the man in question prided himself on constantly being impeccably and appropriately attired at all times (and no one had ever witnessed even one button partially undone). In fact, Minerva often wondered if the man slept in similarly constricting pajamas at night. However, the true shock lay in the small circle of discolored skin to the side of his neck that looked uncannily like a…a hickey.

_But no, that can't be_, Minerva thought to herself. It couldn't be a hickey that she was seeing. She was the headmistress and his friend-though he would never admit it. Surely she would have known if he were seeing someone or at least know if he were sneaking out of the castle in the dark for a midnight tryst (or sneaking someone in). And even if that were the case, she still knew for a fact that Severus abhorred public displays of affection and was never one for "flaunting" love marks. _What on earth is going on with him? _It was a thought most were sharing with the headmistress.

Unable to keep her mouth closed any longer, Minerva leaned over placing a hand on his arm. "Severus, I couldn't help but notice that something was on your neck…Is everything alright?"

There was only the slightest hesitance before Severus nodded his head, his face composed in the usual façade of bored indifference. "Of course, Minerva, everything is perfectly alright. I was gathering ingredients in the forest this morning and was bitten by a vicious little bug."

Minerva furrowed her brows in concern, glancing at the large mark. It was indeed very red. "It does look rather ghastly, perhaps you should see Poppy about getting it fixed up," she suggested.

"There is no need. I have already applied an ointment that has already brought the swelling down considerably. Its still easily irritated but it should be completely healed within the next few hours," he replied wiping his hands before abruptly standing up. "Now, if you will excuse me I have much to do today. Good day, Minerva." He quickly swept out of the hall missing the reaction of his fellow staff members. Their relief was palpable as they went back to their meals, glad that their small world had righted itself again.

Minerva was relieved as well that nothing seemed amiss with her friend, and scolded herself for jumping to such conclusions in the first place. _That bug bite did seem rather bad, and that starchy wool he's so fond of would only irritate it further. Of course he would where his collar open. Really Minerva, Severus Snape gallivanting around, showing off a love bite-the silly things you think of._

"Why is everyone is such a good mood? Did I miss something?" A voice asked from behind Minerva causing the headmistress to call out in pleasure. "Hermione! Come sit by me, my dear girl."

Hermione smiled as she pulled out the chair on the other side of Minerva and sat down. She immediately started loading her plate with fruit.

"And to answer your question," Minerva continued, "you missed nothing really, just a few of us being silly hens is all."

"Oh I doubt that you could ever be considered silly Minerva," Hermione replied.

"Ha! I have been known to be silly a time or two, but we were all young once. In any case, tell me how your business with the mer people is going. Have you gotten their consent yet?" Minerva patted her arm fondly.

Hermione sighed, looking down at her plate. "I'm afraid not. I haven't even been able to obtain an audience with the royal court yet. While their politics are quite intriguing, it can still be frustrating at times. I fear I'll have to impinge on your hospitality a little bit longer, a month at most. Do you mind?"

"No! Of course not, dear. You know you are always welcome at Hogwarts. You can take as much time as you need. Working with the merfolk is never an easy task, and I know how important your work is."

"Thank you Minerva, I really do appreciate it." Hermione smiled turning back to her plate. "By the way I was passing Professor Snape in the hallway and you'll never guess what I saw." Her face lit with a mischievous grin.

Minerva laughed, patting her hand. "Actually Hermione, I believe I can."

**A/N: Ok so that's the first part down! What do you think? Reviews are welcome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**First off, I want to thank everyone for the reviews, the alerts and the favorites! Seriously, they made my day and I'm glad that you are all liking the story so far. Second, I'm not sure if I put a disclaimer in the first chapter, so I'll do one here: **

** World and characters are not mine**

**Ok! Now that that's done-On to the second part! Enjoy :D **

The second surprise

It took no less than a week for the fervor, unknowingly ignited by Professor Snape to calm down. Even though most had been pacified by his explanation for the abominable "hickey" incident that fateful morning, there were still moments of doubts, suspicious glances and wayward thoughts that suggested maybe…just maybe Severus had been lying. It was as if they were all holding their breath, watching him and waiting for his next bout of outlandish behavior that would surely send them to the infirmary with heart palpitations.

And yet, the days carried on, and Professor Snape continued in his usual manner as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. It seemed there would no longer be any disruptions coming from him and one by one the staff finally felt as if they could relax again. Indeed a few of the professors had even taken to gazing at Severus fondly every time he made a rude or snide comment. _Good ol' Severus_, they would think before they returned to their business.

Yes, it looked as if the storm was finally over. That is, until the second surprise occurred one night in the gardens.

It was none other than Professor Pomona Sprout who happened to witness Professor Snape's scandalous behavior among her flowers that night. Being the Head of Hufflepuff, she was just finishing her nightly rounds when she decided to stop by her garden to check on her lovely new Bella Blooms. The gentle buds, a very thoughtful gift for her birthday from Filius, were still in a fragile stage and needed constant vigilance if they were going to get stronger.

Checking her watch, and seeing that it was only a quarter to nine, she clapped her hands gleefully. She would have enough time to check the flowers and make it back to her rooms to read the latest journal from _Herbology Habitués. _It had been positively ages since she had a moment to just sit down and read.

Quickening her pace she rounded the corner and stepped outside with a broad smile. Seeing the dark figure of Professor Snape in the distance, her feet faltered as she quickly stumbled over to a pillar where she hid in a dark corner to see what he was doing.

That he was blasting away at her roses, looking for errant students again, was her first guess, but looking at the dark professor simply standing there in a nonthreatening manner had her reassessing that thought. Whispering a disillusioning spell, Pomona slowly crept closer to the younger man, keeping close to the shadows just in case. She could only imagine what he would do if he found out she had been snooping.

_Best not to get caught then old girl,_ she thought as she got as close to his person as she'd dare. Finally she could hear and see him clearly.

"This is ridiculous! How the bloody hell am I supposed to know what's romantic?" He mumbled to himself as he stared dangerously at the roses by his feet. There was murder in his eyes as he gazed over every soft petal, as if the innocent blooms had offended him in some manner. With one hand on his hip and the other pushing his hair back he walked over to another shrub.

He picked up a white rose and a yellow one, staring at the two and lost in thought. "Does white mean cherish? Or yellow? No…yellow means friendship. I'm sure of it."

He tossed the yellow flower away and snorted. "Yellow's definitely out then. Let's time I checked friends don't twist each other into pretzels in bed every night." He walked away to look over the next set of flowers, completely giving up on the idea of roses.

Meanwhile, from her safe little corner, Pomona was undergoing a small panic attack as her mind tried to wrap around his words. _Twist each other into pretzels! Did he really just say that or am I going mental?_ She gripped her chest in an attempt to calm her heart as she took deep soothing breaths. _No, this is Severus we're talking about. He would never say something like that. Don't let your head get away from you again dear girl. There must be an explanation!_ She pressed against the column she was hiding behind to get a better look. Surely any second now, what Severus was really doing in her gardens would become obvious and then she would be free to return to the peace of her rooms….Any second now.

But, as the seconds passed into minutes no such evidence presented itself. If anything, the longer Pomona stayed in the shadows the more uneasy she became as she continued to listen to Severus mumbling.

"What about lilies of the valley? I know they mean devotion, I could-" Severus abruptly stopped talking and blanched at the idea, his eyes widening in horror. "I could be eviscerated, that's what could happen." Gingerly, he stepped away from the flowers as if they would burn him. "On second thought, no lilies", he continued, "I need something with a little more tact."

He stopped in the center of the garden and grabbed at his hair in frustration. "Damnation! I'd rather face the Dark Lord again than put up with this romance shite! A ruddy fifth year would have an easier time of it than me!" In a huff he sat down on a nearby boulder, staring with narrowed eyes at the colorful blooms before him.

At this point, Pomona was nearly faint from listening to her younger colleague. So many questions were banging around in her head and none of them brought her any comfort. Did Severus have a young paramour that he was trying to woo? Was the "bug bite" that she had seen last week, really a love bite as she first suspected? And more importantly, who was this stranger waltzing around her garden dressed in Severus' clothes?

She needed to talk to Poppy. Maybe the mediwitch could make sense of this and hopefully provide her with a calming draught for her fraying nerves. Picking up her robes she turned to leave, accidently stepping on a twig in the process. The crisp snapping sound from the small branch echoed across the garden, magnified by the eerie silence of the night.

Severus' head jerked up as he called out sharply, "who's there?" He jumped to his feet, his wand in a deadly grip as his eyes scanned the area.

Pomona froze, one foot still in the air as she quickly realized that she had no other option but to reveal herself. Her charm work wasn't good enough to sneak away undetected like Filius, nor did she have the gumption to brazen through a bold face lie like Minerva, and she certainly couldn't give him the run around like Aurora. With a sigh, she dropped her disillusioning charm and stepped out from behind the pillar. _Perhaps I can figure out what he's really doing here though._

"Severus, it's just me, Pomona." She called out to the man as he raised his wand to illuminate the small space for better visibility.

"Pomona? What are you doing out here?" He asked, addressing her in the same manner he would a first year that was caught in the halls after curfew. His snide voice suggested that she was the one who was intruding on his territory.

"W-what?" She sputtered in indignation. "What am I doing out here? I was checking on **my** Bella Blooms in **my **garden. But more importantly, what are **you** doing here?" She asked wagging her finger at him reproachfully. _The nerve of the man, carrying on as if he owned the place! _

"I was gathering ingredients for a potion of course," he answered without missing a beat, but she wasn't buying it.

"Oh, then what was all that muttering about, pretzels and romance?" Pomona asked, though she wasn't really sure if she wanted to know the answer.

Severus stiffened, but pushed forward. "I'm sure you heard of Master Jacob Binet, one of the best minds of the 17th century?"

"Well no, I haven't, who-" Pomona started to ask but was cut off midsentence.

"-He was of course responsible for the invention of the _Libidium Fortis_, which is an exceptionally complex potion that currently has no antidote. So, I have decided to make it my next project and it has proven to be an adequately challenging distraction. Of course the added benefit of creating a remedy against yet another potion designed to induce artificial and garish affections also makes it a worthwhile endeavor."

As Severus finished his short speech, Pomona was at once relieved and reassured that it really had all been just another misunderstanding. Yes, Severus Snape was interested in romance and passion but clearly it was only from an academic standpoint and nothing else.

_Yes, that's all there is to it, _she reaffirmed once again. Even though she knew subconsciously that if she were to sincerely examine what she saw and heard tonight and compare it to what he said, she would find many faults with his reply. But she chose not to. In cases such as these, ignorance really was bliss and she feared if she looked at the situation too closely she would find herself facing uncomfortable answers.

So she allowed her tired and still slightly confused mind to eagerly latch onto his excuse. "Of course! Of course," she slapped him on the back as she laughed nervously. "And if you need any help, please feel free to call on me."

Severus nodded before drawing his robes tightly around himself. "Thank you Pomona. I think I shall retire for the night and continue another day, but I will be sure to take you up on your offer. Good night." He replied gruffly before he swept back into the castle and out of sight.

Watching his departure, Pomona decided that a trip to the infirmary wouldn't be remiss after all. _Perhaps Poppy is still available, _she thought as she headed back inside as well.

Hurrying down to the corridors she repeatedly reminded herself not to get ahead of herself again. Severus was only in her garden for research after all. Just research. There were no paramours, no pretzels and she certainly hadn't just seen his cheeks blushing before he left…Really she hadn't.

_Oh sweet merciful Merlin. _Perhaps she **would** ask Poppy for that calming draught.

**A/N: **

**Truly scandalous stuff there-and Severus Snape blushing? Positively indecent! What will the others say?**

**Well that's it for the second surprise. I hope you liked it and don't forget to review (It'll make me smile again!) **

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks to everyone for all the review, favs, and follows. I'm glad that you've been enjoying the story so far. I wanted to get this part up sooner, but college can really put a wrench in your plans sometimes. **_**-_- **

_**Anywho I still managed to get this part up, so slowly but surely I'll finish this story yet. **_

_**Now onward!**_

_**(Disclaimer-JK's world and character's not mine)**_

The Third Surprise

Rolanda Hooch was not a very patient woman. It was a characteristic that surprised many people after they found out she lived in the badger hole during her school days rather than the lion's den. Though why that should be a surprise, she had no idea. Just because she was a Hufflepuff didn't mean that she had to have the temperament of a pygmy puff as well!

Still, whether she could understand their shock or not, impatience was her Achilles heel. And it always had been, even when she was just a little girl. Actually, truth be told she had been infinitely worse when she was a child. Unfortunately, she also had a temper that would make even a Gryffindor wince, and that made her a particularly hard child to deal with. A fact her poor mother would attest to.

She had driven the woman crazy on more than one occasion because of it and her mother often had to take her in hand. She could still remember her mother's stern warning even now. "Patience will keep you out of a lot of awful situations, young lady-so you better learn it!"

It was a warning that Rolanda would have done well to remember as she marched down the halls to the dungeons one Saturday evening to confront the resident potions master. In fact, if she had known what she would witness because of her impatience, she would have stayed in her room that night and avoided the man at all costs.

Alas, hindsight is always twenty/ twenty and the flying instructor was too blindsided by her frustration to realize that it was perhaps, not the smartest idea to rudely interrupt the man in the middle of the night. But, in her defense, this was not the first time a professor had stopped by Severus' quarters late at night. In fact, the potions master dealt with a lot of traffic throughout the day from both students and faculty alike. The students brought him potion orders on behalf of Madame Pomfrey for house points and the professors preferred to buy their personal potions from him to save a trip to the apothecary (which had outrageous prices anyway!).

It was a wonderful arrangement, especially for Severus who made a pretty coin tending to the needs of his peers. And since Severus was often free in the evenings (especially after Voldermort's demise), it was acceptable for the staff to pop by and pick up their orders. Which was why Rolanda was now standing in front of the door to Severus' quarters with a defiant glare.

Well that was partially the reason. The other reason, and the cause of her impatience, was that Severus Snape was bloody late! He had promised to finish her monthly order three days ago. Which, was infuriating in and of itself, but when she had cornered him to ask about it earlier today, he had done that ruddy eyebrow thing and told her-rather rudely-that she would have to wait.

_The nerve of that man! _She huffed, as she raised her arm to pound at his door. _Well, I'm not going to wait any longer, not with how many galleons I'm lining that insufferable man's pockets with!_ "Severus, open this door!" She called loudly.

Seconds turned into minutes and still there was no response from the dark wizard. Cheeks turning red with indignation Rolanda pounded on his door yet again. When silence greeted her for the second time, she narrowed her eyes in determination and pulled out her wand. Casting a patronus she quickly sent him a message. "Severus Snape, I'm not going to leave until you give me my potions! Now open this door!"

Her glowing eagle slipped through the door with a flash to deliver its message and Rolanda waited, her foot tapping against the stone floor.

A light shimmered on the door again and a silvery doe appeared in front of her. It's mouth opened and Severus' deep baritone rang out in a breathy reply. "Go away, I'm busy." And just like that, the doe disappeared leaving a ruffled Hufflepuff behind.

"Oh no you don't. You aren't getting away that easily!" Casting her patronus again she sent a second message. "Don't be so impossible! You can spare two seconds to come out and talk to me-and I'm not leaving until you do!"

She waited and waited and her frustration grew with each silent second passing. Eventually she sent another message. _I'll wear you down. Just you wait and see! _"I mean it Severus! If you think I'll go away just because you're giving me the silent treatment, then you're wrong. Now put the potion on stasis and open the door or I'll call the headmistress!"

Finally she heard a grumble on the other side of the door before Severus wrenched it open. "What!" he snarled, gripping the door until his knuckles whitened from the strain. His black eyes, usually so indifferent, held murder in their gaze.

Stiffening Rolanda prepared to defend herself. She had a reason to be there after all.

"Severus I-" she stopped, her jaw dropping as she took in the horrifying site of the potions master. Severus Snape was standing before her extremely disheveled and practically naked! He was just in his pants and shirt, no robe, no frock coat-he wasn't even wearing shoes or socks! His hair was a messy halo around his face, his skin was flushed and his clothes looked like a toddler had put them together. They were all wrong, like he shoved them on in the dark. His pants were partially undone and some of the buttons from his wrinkled dress shirt were missing leaving most of his neck, and chest bare for the flying instructor to see. The buttons that were left were so mismatched that half of Severus' shirt was riding up on the left side. Most alarming of all though was that the potions master was breathing rather heavily as he leaned against the doorframe.

Rolanda's cheeks warmed, and this time it wasn't from frustration. She had never seen the dark wizard in such a state of undress before. Not even when he was a student. But right now…right now, it looked like he had been tossed around by tornado hex.

_Merlin's balls, what on earth did I interrupt_. Rolanda stepped back, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. She tried desperately to order her scrambled thoughts but one look at Severus' state of dress, or undress as the case appeared to be and her mind quickly shut down again. There was a message here that her mind was obviously refusing to decipher.

Clearly Severus' patience with his fellow professor was running thin, because he snapped at her again. "Rolanda! What the hell are you doing at my door?"

"I was-I…my potions…" she stuttered, still looking at the man with a blank gaze.

"I already told you that they were still simmering. Breathing down my neck like mule-headed harpy won't encourage them to finish faster. You'll have to wait!"

Rolanda finally found her voice again. "But you said-"

"-I said I was busy! A sentiment that still holds true. If you still feel the need to wail like a banshee then kindly do it elsewhere!" With a huff, Severus turned on his heel and slammed the door shut in her face, only to open it a second later to add, "And if you think about interrupting me again tonight, I'll hex you so hard that you wont be able to sit on a broom for a month!"

The door slammed closed again, leaving the flying instructor alone in the quiet hall. Wide eyed and shaking, Rolanda turned to leave as well, when she heard Severus' muffled voice on the other side of the door again.

Her ears perked at the soft sounds she was able to make out, then shook her head scandalized. _No, surely I didn't just hear that_. She leaned in closer, hoping that what she heard was actually a fluke, but no it was-

A deep masculine moan echoed once more from inside his quarters, followed by the high-pitched squeal of a woman. There was a shuffling of movement and then Severus was talking again. "You'll pay for that witch, now get back to bed and do as you're told," he said, his voice drifting off the farther he got away from the door, until finally Rolanda couldn't hear anything else.

A shaky hand lifted to cover her mouth as she slowly stepped away from her colleague's door. "Oh gods…he just…and I swear I heard a woman, but that would mean…" Her eyes widened as the answer finally dawned on her. Strait laced, severe, grumpy git, Severus Snape was entertaining a woman in his quarters. It was unprecedented, insane, impossible and yet it had to be, because she had clearly just witnessed it with her own eyes and ears.

"Bloody hell, Pomona was right," She gasped before she took off down the hall towards the Herbology teacher's room. _The girls will never believe this!_

_**A/N: Ok that's the third part down! Hope you enjoyed it and I promise to get the fourth finished and up much faster. **_

_***Also I'm also working on another SS/HG fic that's MUCH longer, so I'm hoping to start posting that soon. But for now, read and review! **_


	4. Chapter 4

**(Disclaimer: Characters and world are JK's) **

**Hello again! So this is it, the last chapter! I had quite a bit of fun with this story and I'm glad that I was able to share with you all (and that you liked it-yay!) Thank you all for the reviews and the love! They really made my day. **

**I have started posting my other story-another SS/HG story-which is why I was a little behind with posting the last two chapters. So check it out! Ok enough of that-now onto the story! **

The Fourth Surprise

"It's absolutely preposterous!" A voice yelled in the crowded staff room, causing Rolanda to bang her fist against the table.

"I know what I saw and heard. It **did **happen!" the quidditch coach replied looking around the room in defiance.

"I knew this would happen!" Sybil barked from her seat eagerly. "I saw it all already!"

Aurora, pausing only to send a reproachful look towards the divination professor, raised her hand in a placating gesture, "we're not saying that you're lying, Rolanda. Its just…are you sure that you really saw what you did?"

Nodding her head, Poppy joined in, "Indeed it was rather late at night, and the dungeons are pretty dark. Maybe the shadows were…"

Rolanda cut in her agitation growing, "the shadows were what? Undressing him too quickly for me to see? I tell you his shirt was practically falling off him!"

Sybil got up from her seat to grasp Rolanda's arm. "Was he really shirtless then? What did he look like?" Her reedy voice shook with anticipation as she asked, causing several of the professors to snicker behind her.

Raising an eyebrow in a look that was eerily reminiscent of her broody colleague, Minerva asked, "Surely Sybil you already know what he looks, since you claimed to have seen it all before."

"Well…y-y-yes of course I saw it, but you see..." She stammered, pausing to think up an answer, "Ah! Yes, you see visions can sometimes be blurry, so I didn't have a clear view." Sybil announced as she marched back to her seat with her nose in the air, ignoring the amused chuckles from the others.

Minerva quickly picked up her teacup to hide her knowing smirk as she quickly agreed. "Of course, how silly of me."

"Besides Sybil, we're not really interested in knowing what he looks like without a shirt." Filius patted the divination professor's hand soothingly. Hagrid nodded his head in agreement, valiantly trying to keep the image of a half naked Severus out of his head. He liked Professor Snape well enough, but he had no desire to the man naked.

"The hell we aren't!" Rolanda snapped before turning back to the other witches around her and smirking lasciviously, "If you all saw what I did-well…" she trailed off suggestively.

Septima leaned forward, "oh do tell! What's he hiding underneath all those robes?"

"Is he fit? He has to be, lugging all those cauldron around all the time." Pomona asked.

"Well I could've told you that with all the examinations I used to have with him." Poppy sighed wistfully. "Oh how I miss his monthly check ups. He had such a lovely bum-like a ripe peach!" She held her hands up, squeezing at the air suggestively.

"Oh honestly Poppy!" Pomona sputtered, playfully hitting her friend on the arm as Rolanda and Aurora roared with laughter.

"Is he hung?" Sybil asked abruptly, causing the others to laugh harder. She ducked her head in embarrassment. "Ah, never mind," she mumbled as she concentrated on her teacup.

"Merlin help me," Filius muttered sharing a look of agony with his fellow male professor.

Before the conversation could disintegrate any further, Minerva stepped in. "Alright, that is quite enough. Its entirely inappropriate to be invading Severus' privacy like this." She finished, giving them all a disapproving look.

"But Minerva. Aren't you worried about whoever this mystery woman is?" Poppy asked. "You said it yourself-no one can enter the castle without your permission or knowledge."

"So," Rolanda finished for her, "whoever she is-you should know about her already."

Minerva rubbed her temples as she sighed, "yes I should. Though its entirely possible that she is either someone that I've already given permission to, or someone who was already in the castle, and thus no reason for concern."

Septima looked around the room curiously, "well there aren't a lot of guest in the castle at the moment outside of the staff. We only have three apprentices with us at the moment, one of which is a man-so that leaves only Sandra and Emily."

Rolanda snorted into her tea. "Please, those two vapid girls-no offense Septima, Filius, but I don't see Severus falling for either of your apprentices."

"Well no one said anything about him falling for anyone…" Sybil pointed out in an irritated tone. She crossed her arms and looked at the fireplace with a pout.

With a dismissive hand wave, Pomona corrected her. "Of course he's fallen for the woman. He visited my gardens-remember! And when I went back the next day, a dozen of my red tulips were missing, and you know what red tulips mean." When no one tried to give an answer the Herbology gave a disappointed sigh before finishing, "they mean 'perfect lover' and 'deep love'."

"Oh my," Aurora breathed out clutching at her robes. "That's so romantic…and entirely unexpected considering this is Severus were talking about."

Poppy clucked her tongue, "my dear, there is nothing about this entire situation-starting from that fateful 'hickey day'-that has not been unexpected, unnerving and utterly astonishing."

"You got that right," Rolanda agreed shaking her head ruefully. "But now that we've concluded that Severus is indeed taken with whoever this girl is, we still have to figure out who she is."

"The only other guest we have at the moment is Hermione," Aurora mentioned.

"Well it can't be her," Filius cut in, "last I heard she had an understanding with young Mister Weasley."

Rolanda agreed, "Besides, I highly doubt Severus would ever think about dating a former student-and vice versa!"

"Which takes us back to square one again," McGonagall said tiredly, "in any case, no matter who the woman is, its none of our concern. We must-"

A knock on the door interrupted her and the man that had been on all of their minds lately walked through the door with a raised brow.

"Severus!" Minerva exclaimed, sitting up in her chair.

The suspicious atmosphere caused Severus to pause as he took in the room and its occupants who studiously averted their eyes in a guilty fashion. Choosing to ignore them for now, he nodded at the headmistress. "Minerva, I was hoping I could talk to you for a moment." He looked at his colleagues pointedly, "…alone if you please."

There was plenty of grumbling as the other professors made a show of leaving the staff room. Severus decidedly shut the door in their faces.

"Well!" Poppy exclaimed as she stared at the door flustered. She turned to leave when Hooch grabbed her robes and yanked her back. "Rolanda! What are you doing?"

"Hold up Poppy, this might be our chance." Rolanda rubbed her hands eagerly as she pressed her ear up against the door. "Filius, place a ear charm on the door so we can hear better."

"Rolanda, I don't think that would be a good idea…" the charms professor started to say uneasily.

"Oh come on Filius! If he really wanted privacy he would have asked to talk to her in her office and not a public space." Rolanda argued back.

Filius hesitated, but curiosity eventually won out. Looking down the hall to see if anyone were around, he quickly flicked his wand at the door to cast the charm. The voices from within the room filtered out into the hallway.

"-something you were looking to do?" Minerva asked.

"Actually yes. I wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be around during the summer, so if you need anything from me, I'd like to know now so I can prepare before I leave," Severus said.

"Oh marvelous! You're finally going on vacation. I'm glad you're finally taking my advice and taking some time out for yourself. Where will you be going?"

"I was looking at Italy actually."

"Ah, Italy. I have such fond memories of that place. If you visit any wineries, do pick me up a bottle or two."

"Of course. I will be sure to remember you in my travels. But I did have one more favor to ask of you."

"By all means, Severus, tell me what I can do for you?"

"Well I had actually meant to tell you for some time now…there has been someone that I've been seeing for a while. And for obvious reasons, we decided to keep our relationship quiet until we were absolutely sure we wanted to stay together. Less drama, you understand."

"Yes of course. You are a prominent figure in the wizarding community after all."

"Exactly, and since she is rather well known too, we knew the press would have a field day if we didn't keep it to ourselves. We wanted to feel comfortable in our relationship first before the entire wizarding world decided to shove their noses in our business."

"Yes they do have that nasty habit, don't they? So, when will you introduce her to us then?"

"As a matter of fact-"

Outside in the hallway, Rolanda, Poppy, Pomona, Filius, Septima and Aurora were still huddled against the staff room door listening in on the conversation.

"I told you he was seeing someone!" Pomona whispered triumphantly.

"What I want to know is who is she? If he's saying that she's as famous as him, then we must already know her." Poppy added quietly.

"Someone who was apart of the war then?" Aurora suggested.

"Perhaps, maybe she was apart of the Order with him," Septima added.

"No, no, no. That's unlikely. I met nearly all of the Order members and none of women seemed to fancy him," Poppy said, mentally going through all the female members that she came across in case she missed something.

"Oh will you all shut it! I'm trying to hear what they're saying," Rolanda huffed, pressing further into the door.

"Hear who?" A voice asked behind the group of teachers, causing them to jump and scramble away from the door like errant children. They turned to find Hermione Granger watching them patiently with an amused grin.

"Is someone in there?" Hermione asked motioning towards the door.

Poppy was the first to get up from the ground, brush off her robes and address the young woman with as much dignity as anyone who was just caught eavesdropping could manage. "Severus is in there with Minerva, talking about something. We were just waiting for them."

"Wait, Severus is in there with Minerva. Do you know what they were talking about?" Hermione asked starting to look agitated.

Rolanda exchanged puzzled looks with Poppy then answered, "Oh nothing really. Just something about going away for the summer."

"Oh that impossible man! I told him to wait for me!" Hermione pushed past her former professors and yanked open the door to charge inside.

The others watched from the doorway as the young witch rounded on the potions professor without fear and jabbed her finger into his chest, while crying hotly, "Severus you told me you would wait until I arrived before telling Minerva about our engagement!"

"**WHAT!**" Several voices cried out at once, and the silence that followed after was nearly deafening.

Hermione looked around at the complete and utter shock on all the faces around her, and sheepishly turned to her fiancé who was smiling smugly at her from his chair. "I take it you didn't actually tell Minerva then."

"No I did not," Severus smooth voice replied, taking delight in her reddening cheeks.

"Ah…oops," Hermione said as she went to give Severus a greeting kiss. Behind them, there was a loud thump as Filius fainted.

Severus and Hermione continued to receive several looks from both the faculty and students as they ate in the Great Hall that night. It seemed word had gotten around fast that the bat of the dungeons had not only snared the Princess of Gryffindor but had been shagging her around the castle for nearly all of Spring term. It also didn't help that the two secret lovers were openly affectionate with each other as they traded smiles and caresses through out dinner. Now that the cat was out of the bag they were disinclined to pretend any longer.

"They're taking it better than I thought they would," Hermione nodded towards the students who were still openly staring at them. "I was expecting more protests and hubbub."

"All demanding to find out how the headmistress allowed such a deviant to steal an innocent's virtue right under her nose, no doubt," Severus suggested.

It took all of her might to keep herself from laughing at such a ridiculous thought. "Oh Honestly. Innocent virtue indeed-If I hadn't shown up naked on your bed last November, we'd still be puttering around each other. If anything, I was the one who stole **your** virtue."

"Yes, I have learned to appreciate your brash Gryffindor tendencies since then."

"Of course you have," Hermione smiled at her fiancé mischievously before looking at the students who were finally turning their attention back to their meal. "Still, I'm shocked that the unveiling has gone so smooth."

"Smoother at least, than Potter and Weasley's reaction," Severus snorted, his mouth curling in a malicious grin as he remembered the day they had walked into the Burrow hand in hand. "I had no idea Weasley could turn so red."

"You took entirely too much pleasure from that visit." Hermione rolled her eyes at him then smiled at his obvious cheer. He practically radiated with happiness.

"You know if you keep smiling like that you might shock the students into a coma," Hermione teased as she tucked a lock of Severus' black hair behind his ear. The movement caused the large diamond on her left hand to shine in the light.

"Then the little voyeurs should mind their own business," Severus remarked, sending a lazy glare out at the student body.

"Well you can't really blame them. Feared potions master, Severus Snape in love? And with a Gryffindor no less? Its quite the surprise."

Severus smiled as he looked into the bright brown eyes of his future wife. He was sure for so long that he would die during the war, and at the time he was perfectly fine with that. In fact, he looked forward to it eagerly. When he woke up in St. Mungos, he railed against the world and the cruel fate that denied him his peace. So many nights he teetered on the edge of depression, so close to ending it all. And then, Hermione came along, determined to pull him out. With her stubborn spirit and calm concern she helped him heal from his injuries and offered her friendship and eventually her love.

She never gave up on him, even when he was less than pleasant with her. Ever sarcastic, cruel remark was met with understanding and compassion and on one occasion a book that she threw at his head. Still, he was continually baffled by his good fortune. So, no he couldn't care less if others saw the miserable greasy git smile. For once in his life he was truly happy.

He bent down, and he whispered against her soft lips, "I'm sure it is, my dear." He then proceeded to kiss her in front of the whole school, ignoring the scandalized gasps. He smirked as he deepened the kiss. He didn't care if he was going to become the top story in the gossip column of the prophet soon, or that their relationship would cause quite a stir in the wizarding world. It didn't matter. He had Hermione-the greatest surprise that fate had ever given him and that's all he cared about.

**A/N: And that's it. I'm glad that you've liked the story and I hope you enjoyed the ending. I was thinking about adding an epilogue to this but only because there was an idea from viola1701e that I absolutely loved but couldn't fit in like I wanted to. (Sorry viola I really tried to get that red thong in there). So I might do something with the kids barging in on them….. **

**Anyway thanks again for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, so I know that I said that this was only going to be a four chapter thing, but well…someone suggested a surprise that included a red thong, and I just couldn't resist. **

**So **_**viola1701e-**_**thanks for the idea, and here's the epilogue!**

The fifth surprise (epilogue)

"Severus, why are you naked?" Hermione asked as she walked into the living room and admired the taut muscles of her husband's backside. Her eyes followed him as he turned around gifting her with an even better view. Her smile spread, "not that I'm complaining, mind you."

Severus took in his wife's appraising glance and leaned against the wall, flexing a bit for her sake. He let his white shirt-that was, up until that point, still in his hand-fall to the ground.

Hermione watched as it floated down, landing next to a crumpled pair of black pants. Looking across the floor, she noticed there was a trail of clothes steadily forming behind the wizard. She arched an eyebrow at him as he shrugged calmly.

"It's been a long day and I wanted a shower to unwind," he said nonchalantly, amusement glinting in his eyes.

"So, you've decided to just disrobe in the living room all willy-nilly and strut around bare-arsed?" Hermione inched her way closer to her wizard.

"Well, it is my house witch, so it stands to reason that I can 'strut' around as I see fit. Besides, with Sebastian out for the night…," he trailed off suggestively, pushing off the wall and stalking towards her. Grabbing her, he pulled her against him snugly. He let his eyes roam over the witch's body as he began tugging at the buttons of her shirt.

"Hmmm. That is true," Hermione agreed, helping him along by yanking her opened shirt off and letting her skirt fall to the ground. "In that case, why don't I join you in the shower? You know, to help you get clean and all."

Severus chuckled, grabbing his wife's wrist and guiding her towards their master suite while continuing to disrobe her. "Of course, I would expect no less from such an exemplary wife."

Hermione giggled, following Severus with glee. Yes, the night was certainly looking up.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, as any parent would know, well-laid plans can be abruptly interrupted at the drop of hat. It was a lesson that Hermione and Severus learned the first night after Sebastian was brought home. Both, utterly exhausted from the ordeal of birth, had planned to crawl into their bed and sleep their way into oblivion. But, of course, the minute the first pulls of blissful sleep called to them, they were awoken by Sebastian's hungry cries. They quickly found out the interruption to their rest was not a one time occurrence. Yes, the joys of parenthood could easily demolish the best, meticulously and well-crafted plans without even trying. And such would be the case for the couple tonight.<p>

Just as Hermione was stepping into the shower the most curious sound found its way up into their bathroom. It was their doorbell. Hermione looked at Severus in confusion, one foot still poised above their bath's rim. The two looked towards the bathroom door-that they hadn't bothered closing- then looked back at each other. Both seemed to be silently asking the same question. _What the hell was going on?_

They were of course, not baffled by the doorbell's presence in their home (both growing up in the muggle world, they were completely familiar with muggle technology), but they **were** puzzled that it was being used.

You see, when the couple found out their son would be away for a whole weekend, they decided to make the most of their time alone and proceeded to bluntly tell their co-workers, friends and family to kindly bugger off until further notice or risk their wrath.

It was the first time in a long while that they would be left to their own devices and they wanted absolutely no interruptions. As an added precaution Hermione had also added a few wards around their house. The first was to repel muggles (taking care of wandering salesmen or delivery men), another was to keep the neighbors from hearing what was going on in the house (she was very excited about that one), and the last was to keep magical people away. The only person who could get through all that was Sebastian, and he was in London at the moment.

"Didn't you put the wards up?" Severus asked wrinkling his nose in distaste.

"Of course I did!" Hermione snapped as the doorbell rang again. "I distinctly remember handling them after I got off the phone with Rebecca this afternoon."

Severus raised an eyebrow, "and her ability to talk a dragon to death didn't distract you?"

"Of course not. After the first five minutes I ignored most of what she said anyway." Hermione scowled at her husband.

In truth, she hadn't even lasted five minutes. It was more like two minutes of grunting and 'mhmming' before her eyes glazed over and her mind drifted away to more important things. It wasn't that she didn't like Rebecca per say, she was a kind woman, and her son John-Sebastian's best friend-was a sweetheart, but the woman **loved** to talk and two minutes of conversation with her easily felt like two hours.

"Well then, what did she want? Something to do with Sebastian?" Severus asked, his hands steadying his wife who still had yet to fully step into the tub.

"No, there was some problem with their house, something about a poltergeist and she-" Hermione stopped, her eyes widening in horror. "Merlin be damned!" She stumbled over to the front of the shower, quickly turning the knobs to stop the flow of water.

"Wait a minute-" Severus started to protest only to have a towel thrown at his face. He ripped off the offending cotton to glare at the witch. "Hermione what are you-"

"There's no time Severus! Get dressed and get the door. That's Sebastian ringing." Hermione rushed out the bathroom and into their room so she could rifle through her closet. Severus followed after her, drying himself with his wand instead of the towel.

"Hermione, why would Sebastian be back so soon? I thought he was spending the weekend with Mr. Thomas." Severus grabbed a new pair of pants and shoved them on. The doorbell rang again.

Hermione frantically pushed her husband towards the door, tossing him his evening robe. "He was, but I'll explain it later. Just go and answer the door," she hissed hunting down some underwear and her nightgown to put on. "I'll be right there."

Grumbling, Severus tied his robe closed and went to answer the door. Sure enough, just as Hermione had predicted, their son was standing on their doorstep, his arms crossed and a miniature version of his father's scowl on his face.

"Its cold out here," he grumbled, his dark eyes staring accusingly at his father. The underlying demand of, _why didn't you come to the door sooner, _was carefully hidden within his statement. Behind Sebastian, John gave a weak wave.

Mimicking his son's stance, Severus crossed his arms and looked down at Sebastian. Though at fourteen years old the boy was easily catching up to his father's height. Soon enough he would be just as tall and Severus would have to throw that intimidation tactic out the window. Not that it really mattered of course. When push came to shove, no one could out-glare or out-menace Severus Snape, not even his own son who shared many of his characteristics.

"As I recall, Mr. Snape," Severus began in a slow whisper, letting his son know through his tone and formal address that he needed to watch himself, "you own a key to this house, like every other member of the family."

Sebastian winced, immediately straightening. A blush crept over his features as he looked everywhere but at his father. "I…I forgot my key in my room…sorry," he mumbled.

Severus continued to pin his son under a stony glare, taking a perverse enjoyment out of Sebastian's nervous fidgeting. Finally he stepped aside to let the two boys in.

"You are forgiven. I take it from your overnight bags, that you boys are spending the weekend here instead of at the Thomas' residence." Severus shut the door behind him, sighing as he foresaw his quiet and sex-filled weekend slip away into nonexistence.

Sebastian looked at his father raising his eyebrow, "yeah, didn't mum tell you? John's place was infested with a poltergeist, so they're staying clear until the exorcists take care of it. Mum offered to let John stay with us until then."

"Yes, she did mention something like that," Severus muttered. "Right, go put your bags up in your room. John you remember how to work the pull out sofa in Sebastian's room, right?"

The boys nodded, then with all the enthusiasm of youth, charged through the living room and up the stairs, pausing for only a second to greet Hermione as they went.

"Slow down!" she called after them, before shaking her head with a resigned sigh and shifting her basket full of their discarded clothes onto her other hip.

Severus looked at the basket with pursed lips. "Why did you not just vanish all the clothes? It would have been much faster."

Hermione blushed, setting the clothes down. "When I came downstairs, and saw our clothes everywhere, I panicked and just started tidying it up the muggle way. At least I got them all before the boys could see. As far as they can tell I was just bringing down laundry."

Sliding his arms around Hermione waist, he pulled her close to nuzzle her neck. "Who cares if they knew? Sebastian is now fourteen, as is Mr. Thomas. Surely, they understand by now that their parents can and do have sex."

"Please," Hermione snorted, "they're teenagers. In their world, anyone over the age of 30 is too old to have sex-especially parents."

Severus chuckled into her hair, "I suppose they would be quite surprised then to find out that two such positively ancient adults like us were about to participate in those forbidden acts only moments before their arrival."

"Oh yes, I'm sure they would have been adequately horrified to say the least," Hermione replied snuggling into Severus' embrace.

"Speaking of horrifying surprising…I take it from our son and his friend's sudden appearance in our abode that your conversation with Mrs. Thomas did not go as you recalled it?" Severus asked with a smirk.

Hermione groaned, twisting in his arms so she could rest her head on his shoulder. "I know! I'm sorry. I really should have paid attention to what Rebecca was saying. And now our 'weekend alone time' is ruined."

"Well…I wouldn't say that exactly. Sure I wont be able to have my wicked way with you on every surface in the house as I had originally planned, but I don't see why we still can't have our own slumber party, so to speak. The boys are old enough to take care of themselves for the night, so…what do you say Mrs. Snape? Shall we have our own party upstairs?" Severus voice rumbled in her ear, causing her to shiver.

Lifting her head, Hermione glanced at her husband with wicked eyes. "Actually, Mr. Snape, that sounds positively lovely."

The couple quickly marched up the steps towards their bedroom, stopping only for a moment at their son's room, just as the two boys were coming out.

"Your mother and I are retiring for the night and do not wish to be disturbed unless there is a legitimate emergency," Severus pinned them both with a glare that spelled dire consequences if they did not heed his warning, then nodding in satisfaction he grabbed Hermione's wrist and led her to their bedroom.

* * *

><p>Sebastian and John watched the door shut firmly behind the older witch and wizard before shrugging and heading down to the living room to watch a movie. It was as the two boys were half way through their movie, a bowl of popcorn between them that John turned to his best friend with a thoughtful expression.<p>

"Dude," John said in a solemn voice, "I think we interrupted your parents earlier."

Completely confused, Sebastian looked at his friend, "what are you talking about?"

John leaned in to whisper secretly, "your parents, man, I think when we dropped in earlier, we were interrupting them doing…you know…"

Sebastian jerked back, spilling the popcorn all over the sofa and floor. "Merlin's balls! Don't joke around like that! That's just-its-its just gross man!" Sebastian left the sofa in a huff, kneeling on the floor to pick up his mess. Like his mother, he tended to do things the muggle way when stressed.

John joined him on the floor to help, "I'm serious Bas! I didn't realize it before but there are like candles everywhere and I swear to Nimue that your father looked like he was going to murder us when he opened the door." John reached under the couch to get any stray kernels.

"He always looks like that," Sebastian protested, but as he looked around the room at all the candles strewn about, and the opened wine bottle and empty glasses that his mother must have forgotten about on the dining table, he paled. Still he continued to deny what his friend was saying. "No, it just-it can't be true."

John paused in his perusal under the couch to pat Sebastian's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Hey, do you think **I** want to be picturing your parents shagging either? I mean your mum's pretty hot, but-"

"WHAT!" Sebastian pulled away from John, not sure if he should be offended, or creeped out that his best friend had the hots for his mum.

"Well she is!" John replied sheepishly shrugging.

"Just stop! For the sake of our friendship lets agree to never talk about this again, alright?" Sebastian suggested desperately.

Taking pity on his friend, John nodded in agreement. "Sorry man."

"Thank you," Sebastian huffed, pulling the last pieces of popcorn from under the couch, hesitating when his fingertips grazed over something rough. Twisting to get a better look, Sebastian stretched his arm to get a better hold on the mystery object and pulled it out.

Perhaps it was the overwhelming stress from finding out that his parents regularly exercised their marital rights and that his best friend was lusting after his mother all in one night, but as Sebastian realized that the rough material he found was actually a lacy, red thong, he could only stare at the garment in mute horror.

John's eyes widened in surprise, opening and closing his mouth as he tried to find the right words to say. There were probably a hundred things he could have said in this moment that would have been more appropriate. In fact, just staying silent would have been infinitely wiser, but because he was just a fourteen-year-old boy who had the pleasure of staring at a thong that belonged to his best friend's attractive mum, he blurted out, "damn that's hot," instead.

Sebastian turned on his friend, whipping out his wand throwing a bat boogey hex while hissing, "shut it!"

* * *

><p>Upstairs in their room, Severus and Hermione were cuddled on the bed, their naked limbs intertwined.<p>

Drawing patterns on his chest, Hermione perched her chin on her husband's shoulder to get a better look at his face. "That, my dear, was an excellent start to our slumber party," she purred.

Smirking in satisfaction, Severus pulled her closer to his side. "Indeed. It certainly made up for our earlier interruption."

Hermione chuckled, nodding her head in agreement. "Still, I'm glad that we were interrupted, in a way. Don't look at me like that. I mean, can you imagine if Sebastian hadn't forgotten his key and actually walked in on us?"

Severus released a bark of laughter at the thought, "yes, finding out about his parents' sex life would have been quite the surprise."

The End

**A/N: And that's it! I mean it this time-I promise. Hope you enjoyed the ride as much I enjoyed writing this short story, and the little epilogue here. Thank you again to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited this story-seriously you guys rock!**

**By the way, I am working on other SS/HG stories. One is a short story like this about Snape and an orphan who becomes attached to him (i'll have that up in a few days), and the other is a longer fic that I've already started called Reservoir-so check em out! **


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